Our HOME forever -

After receiving some devastating news from a close friend last night, my past 24 hours have been like a rocket spinning out of control. Me being the rocket - my thoughts being the spinning - and my will being unable to halt it. Blinding reality colliding with desperate dreams for this family took a nose dive into packed ground, and left me shell-shocked.

My waking bursts in the rare sleep I found were from nightmares and tears found their way down my cheeks and into the silk of my pillow, past the earbuds streaming comforting music all night long that really did not even come close to touching the sadness.

At first I was spitting mad, and then I was a walking bomb of confusion, and then I just crashed into reality that God might not heal like we want. His way might not even come close to our pleas.

Because God gave sickness, and He might not heal here and He might not give Time.

and I could not be alright with that. Because clearly ... God didn't understand what was at stake here for this family. Clearly - I knew better, and He was making a mistake.

*silence* Of course, I was wrong. Obviously. Completely. And knew I was.

and that thin, thin-thready line is the one I walked in the past 24hrs. It's a nightmare when you realize God, the Healer, says "no" and heals that person in Heaven instead of here on Earth. When you realize that you are not going to understand this anytime soon, and His way is so far beyond our understanding and farther than our minds can comprehend, that the only thing you can do - is trust Him and praise Him.

For holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty!
Who was. Who is. and Who is to come.

"Sometimes the way is lonely, and steep and filled with pain.
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus! Cry to Jesus! Cry to Jesus and live!"
"And with your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye.
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus! Fly to Jesus! Fly to Jesus and live!"
~ Chris Rice ~

Tonight I drove to a local park to watch the sun set over the water .... and as I sat on the dock, with the water quietly rippling, my mind shot out facts like bullet notes:

* The Lord is GOOD, His faithfulness extends to all generations, He will never leave nor forsake His children. He is with us always, even unto the end of the age. He loves us more than we can imagine, and He cares for us and protects us more than we know. *

* God is our miracle. He gives sickness as a miracle, and then He redeems through that sickness, so the sickness that kills the outward body, has, in this case, brought salvation through Christ for the inward man's soul. What a beautiful story of redemption!! How strange that it comes from literally dying in body and living fully in the Eternal Home to come. And yet, that is us, if we only fully realized it more. Sickness cannot touch our salvation. Ever. *

* God is sovereign and I am not. God is in control fully. God is God and I am not. His will is best, it is beautiful, perfect, holy, true, and loving. His will puts everything into its perfect place. Nothing can ever wreck or change what God has planned for us. *

* We see through this glass dimly. Through dark glass that hides His glory from our eyes. We cannot see, nor can we understand what He is doing. Our minds cannot fathom it, and our eyes cannot see it, and our souls cry out for understanding, but we must wait. The glory that we will one day see will be so bright and glorious that God will give us new eyes just to behold it! We will SEE our Savior face to face, and the glass will be broken, shattered, the veil torn forever. *

* God understands our every emotion and feeling, because he made us and connected every wire together. ;) Thus, He is never surprised by how I respond to situations. He waits for that moment of breaking and whispers "I am here" when I can hear it above the roar. His love for me is alive. He is near to me. He is near to the family I pray for. He hears every prayer we cry. *

* The Holy Spirit goes forth and proceeds in our prayers when we are at the end of every brain function and can only whisper "please God". *

* He brings beauty from our ashes. Even though we may not see it until Heaven. *

* "Thy will, not mine, O Lord, be done. Thy will is best" *

* Pleading for healing and grieving in sorrow and rejoicing for blessings and salvation and praying for grace and strength are not different options that cannot be mixed together. They ARE mixed together, and in a beautiful joy and sorrow way that pleases God. *

Sadness stole over my heart as I realized again that God might take away and soon,
but even then my heart found solace that His will is best. He is everything. Let go of this world and all you know, because Jesus is more and all of Heaven and our Home Eternal.

.... and the Chuck-Will's-Widow began to sing as I walked back to my car in the dusk of the night. Sweet comfort, His tender song over me, in the sound and song of a bird that meant HOME.

We ask "WHY" because our eyes cannot behold through the veil how BEAUTIFUL God is making this all to be. Has planned it all to be.

Please be praying for this family, even as you do not know them.

Please be praying for me as well, even though I am but a little footnote next to this story, my aching for this family runs deep. I struggle back and forth, wrestling my emotions down and lifting what I know as Truth up, up, to my heart and mind .... but in the shadow of grief, it holds stubborn. I covet your prayers for them and for me.

"for the prayers of a righteous man avails much"

"Be still and know He is our Father, come rest your head upon His breast,
Listen to the rhythm of, His unfailing heart of love, beating for His little ones,
calling each of us to Come. Be still. Be still. "
~ Jean Marie ~

"Likewise the Spirt also helps in our weaknesses.
For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought,
but the Spirit himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is,
because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God."
~ Romans 8:26-27

"Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." ~ Psalm 73: 25-26

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust." ~ Psalm 91: 1-2


  1. Camille (french girl ;)4/8/11, 5:45 AM

    What a beautiful post Jean Marie!!
    The Lord is Holy, and beautiful and He invites us to come into his heart.
    I'll be praying for you, and this family.

  2. Dearest Jean Marie,

    My prayers go out to the family who just endured something hard, and also to you. I am so glad that you have chosen to trust in HIM through this circumstance, because it can be hard. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, and even through times of sadness, He is with us and loves us!
    May the Lord bless you, dear friend.

    Your Sister In Christ,


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