6:00am's as good a time as any -

Taken on our recent travel to VA, location:GA highway.

Good morning. Yes, I'm awake. Are you?

I've been awake since 4:45am, and before that, at 12:00am to 1:30, I spent some miserable moments (moments? an hour and a half!!)trying to get my body heat up to a desirable temperature, namely, not the 50 degrees that it was outside. I wasn't outside, in case you read into that. My sister and I share a room, and it is the coldest in the house. I was wrapped up in a blanket, and then covered with 4 other blankets and sheets, and I was frozen. The last time I remember being that cold in the morning while trying to sleep was when I had to get up at my aunt's farmhouse in Ohio and get a fire going, and then wrapping back up and watching snow fall outside my window. That was in Feb. in the dead of winter. So, yes, I was really cold this morning.

I don't remember why I was telling you this. It has yet to be decided if the heat really was on last night, but let's just say that it WILL be on tomorrow night, if I have any say. (which I really don't, but I will most likely make myself be heard anyway)

I tried to make myself sleepy and warm really quickly, once I got up ... like, by listening to sleepy songs on YouTube and reading my blog...I mean, what else can be more boring than reading something you already wrote and thought about 10 million times before you wrote it? (I exaggerate) ... that didn't work. I tried reading my e-mails. Not going to say that was riveting either. I tried pretending the air coming out of the vent was really warm, fire-breathed-beach-sauna-air straight out of July at Cocoa Beach (oh, and yes, we do own Heat in our home) instead of a chilly breeze ... my imagination must be broken, because I'm curled up and still cold.

HAHHAha! Total side comment - in my half-sleepy-frozen state earlier (at 1:30am), Kimberly told me to get up and eat some bananas and chips, and I murmured "I can't have bananas", and she said "then just eat some chips! You need calories! I'm not that cold!". At which point, I shake my head and pretend I'm in a flannel sleepingbag.

(do you NEED me to repeat that none of this worked?) ... and so, I placed myself at a blog that I never tire of reading, a woman who blogs of grief and sorrow and God's amazing peace and His perfect will, and I played some Third Day on YouTube. And made myself stay there.

*** Sometimes I'm scared to blog. It's hard being vulnerable (really and truly vulnerable) and open with your feelings, and hearing nothing back, or hearing something back that hurts, or just writing out your heart and feeling like later that you shouldn't have shared. Because people who are open get hurt. God does not call us to fear, He calls us to obedience and joy. That might not apply in everything to you, but it does to me. There are days I cannot get off the top of my head that I should blog what I'm thinking, but I let fear of man overtake that thought.

Or prompting from the Holy Spirit. You decide. Some of you are sitting back and saying "Oh brother!! She thinks she has something that important to say?". Absolutely not. But the Voice that talks to my heart when it can't let something go....that Voice always has something to say to those who need it. And when do I NOT need it? :) I need, thee, Jesus, every hour.

Fear of man is Satan tapping you on the shoulder and telling you that you are worth nothing and are stupid for blogging about what God just gave you when you least expected it. (in a blogger version) :) I'm not going with that this morning. So many times, fear has held me back, fear of ... you name it. Fear holds you back from joy.

I.E.: I'm scared when I catch a big wave on my boogie board, and as I catch it and ride it the first few seconds, I freak out, thinking, how stupid was THIS idea?? I'm going to get smashed and hurt myself and look ridiculous!, and then, as I hit the sweet spot of powerful speed and curves, the joy sets in. I did it! Wow! Look how fun this is! WOOT! Thank you, God! I made it! ... and then I paddle back out and do it all over again. (Rewind, repeat 90 x's, and that was my amazing summer :)

If I'm going to be held back by fear when I'm blogging, I may as well give up now. Because if I'm not open and vulnerable, there's no way this blog will knock you out of your chair from the Sweet Smelling Aroma that is our Savior Jesus. If I can't hold onto joy, this blog will wither and die into powdery dust. Like I will. Do you agree with me? Please leave me a comment on how you feel about this or write me at my g-mail on the sidebar. I rarely ask for comments or feedback, but I'm asking this morning, because I'm genuinely interested in what you think. :) Ok. Fear lesson over for now ***

I wasn't really listening to the music at all. I wasn't really listening to anything at all, except the words of what I was reading swirling in my mind: hard, deep, painful - words on trusting God when you feel like you can't, and praising Him when you don't understand ... I wasn't listening.

I was reading something that I've read before, and thinking how very hard this burden on my heart is, all my burdens - they are hard, and I'm not thankful for them very often. Not like I should be ... all of a sudden, the music playing burst into my mind. It was the same volume as before, but it was like I just realized it was playing at all, and I clicked over to the playlist to see what it was ... you won't believe it. I didn't. I cry even now as I type this out - the song was: "Blessed Assurance", and the verse was on -

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior all the day long

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior all the day long.

I know this song well, and as I looked over to the sidebar and read the lyrics, my gaze would not move from the 2nd verse. It wholly captured my attention -

Perfect submission, perfect delight

Visions of rapture now burst on my sight,

Angels, descending, bring from above,

echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

I put my hand over my eyes and broke down and cried. And this thought came to my mind - "to the praise of His glorious grace." I thought of those whom I love who gaze all day as visions of rapture burst upon their sight, and all in Heaven sing the praise of His most glorious grace, praising Him all the day long. I am sad, I want them back, but they gaze upon the face of the One Who loves them most, Whose perfect will took them when it would seem too soon to us, but the perfect time to our Father. (do you know how hard that is to write out?)

God, it's so HARD, but it's to the praise of Your most glorious grace. It's all for Thee, Jesus, it's all done by Thee. It may be a HARD story, but it's Thy story of grace for us, that we may turn and praise Thee all the day long by trusting Thee.

Here are all the lyrics, written by Fanny J. Crosby:

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine,

O what a foretaste of glory divine!

Heir of salvation, purchase of God,

Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior all the day long

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight

Visions of rapture now burst on my sight,

Angels, descending, bring from above,

echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

Perfect submission, all is at rest,

I in my Savior am happy and blessed

watching and waiting, looking above,

Filled with His goodness, lost in His love."

It was so worth losing sleep and being frozen, that little moment. Thank you for reading ... no, really ... I think of many of you readers when I blog, and pray for you. :) Many thanks.

Yes, oh, yes, Jesus,

lose me in Thy love,

~ Jean Marie

You can click HERE to hear the version of the song that I was listening to.