Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Not what I had planned -


Today I was supposed to be in South Carolina, probably freezing in some cold rain and laughing with some of my best friends, driving to their home from my early 8:25am flight and looking at the SC Autumn.

I'm not there. I'm sitting here, drinking cold tea and swathed in my housecoat, looking out at FL trying to be Fall-ish with a gray day. I'm sick. Sick with a normal cold that makes you miserable.

Yesterday I woke up with some serious throat pain, and so we trundled off to the doctor to see if it was too contagious for me to spend time with my friends in SC. I thought maybe he could give me that 24hr. Kill All Contagiousness Pill, and I would happily be on the plane at 7am the next morning.

Instead, I stared at the doctor while he told me I couldn't fly, and I watched the vacation be shattered into a resounding NO. I would have just pushed through whatever pain, and be sick, but the fact that I am hugely contagious, that I would make this whole family sick, and then they couldn't go to the event that Sarah is co-ordinating....and the list goes on.

I was fine with being sick. I was not fine with losing this vacation. I had been looking forward to this more than Barberville! So, you know, that's pretty huge for me. What a big letdown! I cried the whole way home from the doctor's office. I was and am! sooo disappointed.

I got home, and suddenly had no laundry to do, nothing to pack, no camera to charge, no things to ready for the next morning. No trip. No seeing friends. No sleepovers and horse rides. No photoshoots and leaf crunching and heart to heart talks. Ok. Better stop before I sob again. ;)

I was going to put up posts this week, have them pre-published and everything. I guess I'll just have to do them as they come. Like - Molly's birthday and Lucy Mae's birthday.

Yesterday was really hard. I felt very joy-less about the whole situation. I wondered why God would let me get so sooo excited about something and then take it away for "no reason". It hurt and was very disappointing. That line from the hymn "Complete in Thee" .... "no good thing to me denied" kept running through my head, but so did the "what ifs". :)

To which I would continually say - God is God and I am not. Amen.

The trip was a big thing for me, but there are a lot bigger things on my heart, and that need to be on my heart than losing a trip. Like praying for healing for friends. Praying for those we love to come to Christ. Praying for people we don't know, but are suffering.

and if God is big enough to handle my cold, isn't he big enough for the big deadly diseases too?

I got on FB last night, and wrote a teary message to my best friend, telling her how sorry I was that I couldn't come.....and she wrote back the most encouraging message. It was true - something else would work out. It's not like they were moving to Deepest Darkest Peru, and I would never see them again.

Sarah: "I am very disappointed too!! :'( But God knows what He's doing .... even when we don't understand His plan He still has a purpose for it."

*Enter Choir singing for clarity* See, that's why I'm best friends with her. ;) jk. haha.

I was so encouraged, and even though I hadn't stopped praying, I started praying for other things too, to get my mind off of ME. So I'm going to put a list of prayer requests down here, so that you all can join me in prayer. :) A better use of my time.

Five Prayer Requests -

1. Tricia, Becs, and Becs' Sister in law: Alisha are also all sick with this same cold. :( Please pray for our quick and complete healing! And that not too many people would catch it around us.

2. Ever since Sunday, Dan Wheldon's family has been heavy on my heart. Maybe it's because he's married and has 2 young kids under the age of 3, and maybe it's because I grew up listening to racing in Daytona, whenever we'd drive there, there on International Speedway. Either way, I don't know if the family are Christians, but please be praying for his wife and kids, and for his parents who watched it on TV from England. That has got to be so so hard. Please pray that God would use this to draw them to Himself, and put supportive people around them.

3. Pray for the Coptic Christians in Egypt who have lost loved ones in the Cairo Riots.

4. October 15th was the National Day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day. I have many friends who are very dear to me who have lost babies. It hurts more than you would think to walk alongside these precious women and comfort them in the only way you know how, that they will meet their little sons and daughters in the Home where Jesus reigns. Please be praying for these Mama's and Daddy's, who are waiting to see their babes in Heaven, and also waiting for their own little ones to safely make it into this world, upheld and sustained by God's gracious hands. I long to see my friends' arms filled with children.

5. Pray for those who are waiting to SEE Healing here on Earth, who beg for it in their getting up and in their lying down at night, and for those who have lost their beloved family or friend, and who have to WAIT to SEE the greatest Healing in Heaven, fully restored. Life is short, but sometimes it seems too long to have to wait, for Hope or Healing or for Reunion.

So that's my top 5. :) You are welcome to add any requests in the comments or e-mail them to me. I do want to say something really quick here - I have been over the moon blessed with the recent e-mails to my inbox. Seriously. Thank you so much for writing me and sharing.

I love you all so much. If you need me, I'll be sitting at my desk, drinking Cold Care tea with honey and listening to my favorite soundtracks. ;) Thanks for all the prayers, too!! I appreciate it so much.
Love,
~ Jean Marie ~

Oh! One more thing - this won't stop running through my head. You know, because obviously I needed a heart check about God giving good things and taking good things and it being the best. :) One of my favorite songs for a long time.....

from "Bless the Lord" by Laura Story -

"You give and take away for my good, For who am I to say what I need?
For You alone see the hidden parts of me that need to be stripped away.

And as You begin to refine, I'm learning to let go and rely
On One Who walks with me, as hard as it may be,
You're teaching me all the while to say:

Bless the Lord, oh my soul, All that's in me bless Your name
Forget not Your power untold, Not Your glory or Your fame,
For You came to heal the broken, to redeem and make me whole -
Bless the Lord, oh my soul."

5 comments:

Holly Lou said...

I'm praying for you my dear friend! I truly hope you get well soon... and that God will comfort you and lift you up. I know this is hard for you and you don't understand, but God's ways are ALWAYS right. Just keep trusting Him.

Love you!

Holly Lou

Jenna said...

Oh my, I am so sorry to hear about your trip having to be canceled! God always has a reason for the things He does. Although we may not know what those reasons are, we have to trust! :)
I will certainly carry your prayer list in my mind throughout the next couple of days! I hope you feel better soon, Dear! ♥

Love Ya,
Jenna

Molly Rose said...

So sorry that you're missing the trip...I know that I would be absolutely crushed as well. And though there may be some really good, unseen reasons as to why you are at home instead, that doesn't soften the disappointment much. *hugs*

Emily said...

Very sorry to hear of this, but I love that you're trusting God. He so deserves every ounce of our trust and I'm never disappointed when I've put my trust in Him.
On another note, I've had this cold as well and seem to be getting better. Praying everyone else does too!

Shannon said...

I am so sorry that things had not gone like you had desire dear Jean Marie! At times we can feel so despondant, asking why the Lord would do this. But I have slowly learned that it is all part of His refining process, making us into His image more and more {Though at times it hurts dearly...} May He give you the strength to continue to walk the narrow path..

I will be lifting you up in my prayers!

In Christ,
~Shannon~