1:35am -

... and I can't sleep. Actually, I've been up since 12:30, but that's beside the point. The point is ... my eyes are blurry and my neck is sore, but everything else refuses to go night-night. Not a real win-win situation. And why ... does it matter to the blog world? It does not. But I have nothing else to do, so I'm writing. I would blog pictures, but I'm on my dad's laptop, and it does not contain "Jean images", so that is fruitless.

Without fruit. Even cranberries. HAHA....very few will understand that.

Hey, this could be fun, we could see how many times my sleepy mind goes off track. Haha. Or not. Now that I type it out, it sounds boring. Nevermind.

I just put on one of my favorite songs to listen to - "You and I" by Michael Buble. In case you don't know this already, I love his voice, and the songs he sings. I do NOT love Michael Buble. Got it? Good. Anyway, I try not to talk too much about weddings on here, because I know some guys actually read this, even though they hear it all the time. Hah. (mind just switched tracks again) The point was ... this song is going on the "Wedding Song List". Oh, yes. :) It just makes me want to buy a ballroom gown and find a breezy warm gazebo to dance in with some special person ... my dad would be good too. :)

This is interesting too, haha, I started out the day with "Would you go with me" by Josh Turner, and end it with some Michael Buble. I'm just saying - my Dad taught me good music taste. And my Mom taught me good music limitations. And my Sister taught me ... uhh ... (mind goes blank) ... my Sister taught me to turn up the music really loudly in the car and sing along. Yep, yep.

Next topic. (Jean bursts into song silently to "Everything" by MB) Topic. Right. You know, this blog has kind of gotten off track. Because it's an online journal of my life, right? But I've gotten to where I wasn't writing for ME, I was writing for YOU, and while I like that mostly, it limits things to what would be approved by the small amounts of masses that read these pages of various and sundry pieces of literature and tiny thoughts.

I'm just happy that I was able to say that - "small amounts of masses that read these pages of various and sundry pieces of literature and tiny thoughts". Haha. Sounds soo ... theological.

I love the small amounts of masses that read my blog, and am so thankful for them. Um - but writing for what the small masses love is like pushing my imagination, expression, and heart into a little box and saying "This side down, do not open, ever. Fragile.". Which is SAD, and why do I now feel like crying? Great. I don't like writing for the small masses. I like writing what I am passionate about - which is God and family, church and friends, music, and yes, things like - food, boots, old things, light, cameras, or rusty doors or painted steps.

I love joying in the little things. I love being imaginative and getting excited over nothing. It's part of Jean Marie that I don't want to let go of. I don't like stuffing that into that little box. Are we getting too serious here? Maybe. This is my blog. If you don't like something you read, please write me an e-mail at the address provided, and explain why it bothers you.

I guess this is sort of a disclaimer for my blog - yes, I am 21. No, I do not usually act it. Yes, I am serious more than you think. No, it does not usually show when I am so excited I can shoot through the roof. Yes, I have been corrected on being loud and immature more times than I would care to admit or share. No, I do not enjoy it, but it is good for me. Yes, I am quiet and can carry on normal, mature and solemn conversations and actually know what I am talking about. No, I still haven't bought a boogie board....sorry, I thought we were getting a little serious again. To continue just a couple more - Yes, I am sad sometimes and stop smiling. Being 21 has been hard so far. No, I don't always try to be really loud, but most of my friends can talk over and above me, and when I am talking too, the sound builds. Yes, I run screaming across parking lots and hug people like I haven't seen them in years, because sometime I haven't. No, I don't want to change that trait, it is impossibly too much fun.

Yes, I'm 21 ... thankfully, God won't ever give up on me. As long as He still sees something worth working on, through Christ, I won't give up either.


"The Rock" -

"She traces the lines of sharp shale,
cracks of silver streaks,
sparkling dots of mica, little "fake" gold.

She lifts it to smell its faint river scent,
brushes it against her cheek,
and listens to the senses rush in.

It's quiet there, at the place.
There's a little breeze, rustling the leaves,
and there's her voice, saying something.

She listens harder, tries to remember -
the river roars a little louder and
her feet grow a little colder in the water.

Some tears grow a little stronger,
they fall a little harder,
they fall from her eyes onto the rock.

They bring forth a song, a cry -
"Oh, and when I am alone,
yes, when I am alone, and
when I am alone - Give me Jesus!"

She can remember now,
can feel it all again ....
it's why she keeps the rock."


Just give me Jesus,
~ Jean Marie
Psalm 103