Photo Taken - June 2013 ~ Monument, CO
These past months have been full of endings. They haven't been easy endings. I've been broken and devastated over and over again. There have been many tears. When I log onto FB, there are no prayer updates, there are no pictures of faces touching so close for kisses or holding hands in the hospital.
There are updates from family....you know they are making it, just by the grace of God alone.
This week has been full of really frustrating changes. And hard ones under that that make everything a million times worse. My Mac failed and I had to update it, then it threw all the systems into a complete uproar....update upon update, and nothing was shiny and new and colorful and fun.
It was all flat and grey. Like the color of my new credit card.
It has been a very long week of "Oh no. Not another thing.".... and on top of all of that....
our dear family friend is lying in a hospital bed, slowly fading away from us. Because of cancer.
The list of those who have gone before us under the broken words of "cancer" is far, far too long and in a far too short period. I feel like screaming and running away to float in the sea for the millionth time because surely my heart can't handle one more.
I'm done. I'm over it. I'm gone. It's been too much, and I'm....
I'm so sad.
I'm so sad that when it comes time for Joyce to enter those gates we've talked about a million times, and when she feels fully alive and well and holy and healed and NEW, and when she SEES our Redeemer's face .... that I won't be with her. It has just struck me that not only am I longing to not lose her, but I'm also full of aching that we don't all get to finish together.
Jesus is taking her in love, but we do not get to run through the finish line together. I have to wait.
It feels like just one more sad separation. Even though there are 40 years between us, somehow from hearing her and my parents talk about Life and Heaven and Jesus over hundreds of Sunday lunches after church....and Christmas and New Years and skipping on the sidewalk and talking to "Joyce-y"....that somewhere in there my heart told me that we'd always go to Heaven together.
We'd always see the sights and hear the hymns and rejoice and know it all at the same time.
But she will probably go before me. She will know the glory of it first.
She will wait in anticipation with my Lord, and they will long, hand in hand,
for when we will all be together again, forever. And then there will be no more goodbyes.
We will be Home.
~ Stop ~
With love always,
~ Jean Marie ~
P.S. Thank you, Lisa-Jo - for all these opportunities to share our hearts. You've blessed us SO much. We'll miss you.