September 1st, 2012 -

Just a quick post ... one I didn't want to write a title for, so I just put the date up there. 

Last night was a hard night. Tomorrow will be 3 months since Avery went to Heaven, and I'm not ready for that. But I also doubt I'll be ready for it to be a year in 9 months .... I keep reminding myself "It's just another day.". Yet it's the little little things that remind me every day he is gone. I've gone through pretty much every grief emotion this week, and it is exhausting. 

3 months ago on this day, I was preparing for a piano recital and baking cookies. I was praying for Avery, but he had been in the hospital several times, and come out okay, and not until later that night did I realize how very serious it had suddenly become. I spent that night on phone calls back and forth with Elle in California, checking Facebook, and begging God to let Avery wake up in the morning. 

Dawn broke the dark sky, and I took pictures of the sunrise, fully believing that God would heal him, that these would be the pictures of a glorious day. It was a glorious day for Avery. It was a shocking, heartbreaking, earth-shattering day of loss for us. We won't ever be the same. 

3 months later....I'm sad that God's plan wasn't earthly healing for Avery. How I wish it would have been. How I wish God had not taken him to be with Him. I'm disappointed and sad, and I miss him. My heart has "fallen quiet" in the place that Avery laughed and drooled and hummed in church. 

So what do I fall back on? Knowing that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He didn't change the day Avery died. He didn't lose His goodness. He didn't take Avery because He doesn't love us. He didn't choose not to heal because He did not hear us, but because His plan is something greater than we could ever believe or understand. More wonderful than we could dare to dream. Sweeter than anything we could think up, even though we think the sweetest thing would be to dwell all our lives together.

I found this quote this morning in my "Quotes Archives". :) I went looking for something, and found it. It's from this post here, with the full quote  from J.C. Ryle. 

"The last night of weeping will soon be spent, the last wave of trouble will have rolled over us, 

and then we shall have a peace that passeth all understanding; 
we shall be at Home forever with the Lord." 

~ J.C. Ryle ~

This is what encourages me. This is what defines my life. This is what I live for. Promise. Precious Promise. 

If you would, please be praying for John and Audra as they grieve and rejoice for Avery.  

Please be praying for my dear friends the LeVeilles, as today marks 13 years since Mr. LeVeille died.
My post that I wrote last year for them is here. 

Please keep the Burnseds in your prayers as they grieve for and miss Lane. 

.... and please keep me in your prayers as well .... I crave the Lord's nearness and His comfort deeply. 

With much love always, 

~ Jean Marie ~