My Project 52 {Week 36} -

{Week 36} September 5, 2015 

One week ago Friday, Mom and I drove through 4 states in one day, with the desire to hug our grieving friends and mourn with them as they buried their dearest beloved on Saturday. We were able to, by the gracious mercy of our God, and drove home on Sunday. 

Now we are home. 

It is surreal and unreal to be at home, doing home things, seeing everything as if the world hasn't been shattered. 

And I've been so unable to even.....it's only been prayers and tears. I can't even grasp this sadness. 

Last week was agonizing and heartbreaking. It was unimaginable, and the sorrow is heavy for my friends. 

Here is something I wrote this past week that describes my heart tonight: 

"I don't have sentences, but I do have words. 

Words I don't know how to say. Words that find their way down my cheeks at night. 

Tonight I stood in the dark while lightning turned the black into blue light,

and little raindrops felt like tears on my face. 

These days, prayers are like stream of consciousness, "prayers without ceasing". 

Every detail replays in my mind.....too agonizing for sentences, even for words. 

I'm grateful for two things this week: 

1. I'm grateful our Sovereign God doesn't mind hearing hurting questions 

and angry tears from a believing and aching heart.

and 

2. I'm grateful to have a Mom who wants to talk it out when I have a meltdown

and lose it in the middle of the kitchen while making chocolate pudding 

(because how do I do life as normal when everything hurts?). 

I don't have answers and I don't understand and I'm so confused to how God writes our stories.

My heart is shattered in grief for our dear friends' huge loss. 

Tonight, for this week, for always....one more thing I'll always be grateful for:

I know the One who breathes LIFE and won the victory over death. 

No more enemy, no more. Behold, He is making all things new." 

As our sweet friend Rebecca says "God is merciful to the house of mourning", which is very true and dear. 

We hold onto all the promises of hope, peace and comfort and know that Jesus will be near. 

Please keep our friends in your prayers as they miss their dear loved one. 

With love always,

~ Jean Marie ~