Five Minute Friday: Fly -

From Lisa-Jo Baker, the Gypsy Mama: "On Fridays around these parts we like to write. Not for comments or traffic or anyone else's agenda. But for fun, for practice, for joy at the sound of syllables, sentences and paragraphs all strung together by the voice of the speaker. We love to just write without worrying if it's just right or not. For five minutes flat."

Today's prompt: Fly. 

~ Go ~ 

Five minutes isn't enough to sum up this week. But here I am, pecking away at keys, even though I'm beyond exhausted,
having driven home for an hour, after playing volleyball with my friends. 

It was when fatigue hit me so hard, I thought I'd have a meltdown, right then and there, when I missed the volleyball that was clearly in my zone....for the 14th time. Everyone is used to it, everyone laughed, it's all in good fun...that's why I play.
 But fatigue hit hard, and I knew driving home was out. 

So then I played racquetball by myself, as talk swirled from my two best friends about cameras, photography, sessions, lessons, tips....oh, and I missed the ball. Um. Almost every time. And it hit me like a freight train out of nowhere that I missed Avery. And it's not like I don't miss him every day, because I do. But it hit me again that.....this isn't normal. Or any more realistic than June of 2012. 

I bit my lip and whacked that ball harder. And harder. And harder. 

Because even though I'm joking about just making it home, he is more Home than I've ever been. 

And when I'm fatigued and exhausted and feel like my heart has died....he is more Alive than I've ever known. 

And that makes me cry. I want to be that kind of Alive and that kind of Home and that kind of Known. 

Don't we all? We all long for it, we were built for it, our bodies and souls ache for it. 

And somewhere along in my journey of life, I told myself to stop dreaming.
Especially after all the goodbyes and heartbreak. Making it to 80 and then to Heaven was the goal. No dreams. 

Yet here I find myself, after the most amazing Monday and the most incredible start to my week....

dreams I've kept hidden and down and built up little by little....and people says YES and please and that I am special and they are blessed by me. 

And it brings more tears. Because all along that broken way, God broke down barrier after barrier, and here I am, dreaming again.
Building again. Hoping again. Wanting again. Trying again. 

Monday was incredible, because Monday was the first day I felt.... ready. Ready to fly again. 

~ Stop ~ 

With love always,

~ Jean Marie ~