From somewhere out in traffic, we heard the oddest and most unexpected song playing
"It's a Small World". Talk about surreal for this Florida girl!
and a soft breeze rattled the nearby bamboo, and we eagerly soaked it all in.
We had made it to China. We were so so ready for today!
and the sweet director came in and sat down and had a chat with Martha and Gary (our translator).
We all sat quietly in the ginormous leather chairs, smiling sweetly and nodding in thanks,
and not understanding a single word of what was being said.
We all stood and shook her hand, and thanked her "Xiè xiè".
She was so kind and professional and gracious.
I liked her on the spot, because you could see kindness in her eyes.
and then....there was suddenly a room that was mine (I have no idea how I knew it was mine, I just did),
with 3 little 1 year olds peeking out the doorway.
His eyes were always on me. He had locked eyes on me and never looked away.
His eyes stayed locked on mine, so I pulled my "beep the nose" nanny trick that has never failed me yet,
along with a few "Nǐ hǎo"s and rubbing his chest. A few moments later, he smiled at me for the first time and the tears fell.
I prayed he would be strong, fearless and know his worth.
I prayed someone would want this little boy who struggles to hold his head up and his legs aren't too strong,
but his smile makes the sun rise in the room. This boy who just turned One, who just had a birthday.
so we tried "Steven" but it didn't work. "CJ", I said aloud. It was the closest thing to sounding like his name.
It was more than I ever could have prayed for.
It's the oddest feeling to know a Mother's love when you are a single woman.
I've fiercely loved my whole life and never known anything like that moment when I held him for the first time.
I understood the Father's love. I understood a parent's fierce love. I understood INSTANT LOVE.
I cried & prayed his name was on the list of the 4 out of 12 that were available for adoption.
"Courage, dear heart....."
My Father writes good and beautiful life stories. This is not the end of CJ's.
He cares for and keeps safe His children.