Riches in my poverty -

"The Valley of Vision"

"Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,

Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to posses all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;

Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley. "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes I want to write so much, that I can't write anything.

I think tonight's one of those nights.

I have three pages worth of notes I could write up on this prayer.

I've got history with this prayer. It's one of my favorites, and it always will be.

But tonight all I do is get stuck on the first mention of ....

to be low is to be high, when all I can see is the low of this ...

that the mention of good in this, makes me not only hurt so much

but makes me angry too. Stoically, firm, raging angry.

Don't get up in arms. I already know it's wrong to be angry.

Normal, but wrong.

I could write so much, but I can't write anything. Did I mention that?

The good news - God will always pull me back front and center.

"He brings my wand’ring spirit back,

When I forsake His ways.

And leads me for His mercy’s sake

In paths of truth and grace."

He pulls away the shield of anger and whispers in my ear -

I work it all for good.

... that's when I try to slam the door again,

because it hurts too much to be good.

It's the truth, readers, I'm not blogging sweet stuff here.

Truth in Scripture - hearing it quoted back to me ...

I had forgotten how much something could bring so much pain

and yet so much comfort at the same time.

On the one hand - I'm so desperately sad, God, it's like this, I'm sorry.

and on the other hand - but You won't stop being GOOD.

He leads me in mercy. For His glory. For my good.

He shall never let go of any of His children, ever.

So rest a while, Jean Marie, it'll be alright,

no one loves you like He does ....

He will take what is desperate and dark

and it will fade into nothing in the light of

His glorious face, it will be no more.

No more poverty - no more.

~ Jean Marie ~

Isaiah 61