Into the Dusk -

Written on Sunday, December 13th, 2015

I thought a great many things as I drove into the blue of dusk tonight, 

on my way to the 1st of 3 lovely Christmas parties this week. 

Drives are often the best way to clear one's head. 

And I thought how I always thought I'd be so prepared and so, well, holy....when I went to China. 

When I embarked on my great dream adventure.

But I get up every morning and see I'm another day closer, the mountains rise up....

and I trip, the great big trips that might involve anger or frustration 

or flat out grumpy stressed Jean, and wham! Down I fall on my face. 

This trip has already been so humbling, and oh I need it. 

And oh, the mystery, that God looks at us every day and sees Jesus 

and says "I'll love you forever and you are Mine."

Because we are broken and tarnished and we can't ever be perfect, no matter how hard we try.

We don't want the drop offs and scary steep cliffs and we don't want the pain and hurts like hell moments.

We want the beauty and glory, and we want it all at once. 

We want Heaven....and we want dreams fulfilled and prayers answered and symphonies of joy,

and lots of little girl dreams turned into a beautiful wedding and a heart to fall asleep to at night.

But none of those will fill the overwhelming knowing that if we aren't as close to Jesus as we can be,

we won't have anything at all. He is everything, and all in it and everywhere and all we dream of.

He holds in His hand "pleasures forevermore" 

and we shall not be left out of "more than we could ask or imagine". 

We are heard, loved, cherished, known, wanted.

We are being changed, day by day, by the Holy Spirit. 

We will one day be like Him, and until that Day, He calls us to live faithfully, to love deeply,

to call from the muddy puddles and the hidden crevasse where we feel lost. 

For He has found us, and will never let us go.